A Day In the Life of a Nerd Is Not Easy
by Ryan Cox
Being a nerd is not easy. With the need to maintain your game ranking, keep up to date with daily ongoings in the tech world, and binge watch anime, many of our duties are strenuous and extensive. This is an outline of the daily tribulations that we nerds must experience.
A nerd begins their day with a sacrifice to their patron god from the Greek pantheon; examples include Gaben, Iowata, and Miyazaki. This sacrifice generally consists of the best portion of one’s morning meal. It is then burned in a ceremonial fire, then photographed and posted on their choice of Reddit, 4Chan, or Twitter. With a date and time stamp, or it didn’t happen.
Senior Carlos Incao says, “I pray to Gaben everyday in hope of more fantastic sales.” Yes, Gaben, the god of the famous Steam(video game store) sales, is a very generous patron.
This is followed by morning ablutions, including but not limited to, cleaning your game discs, game consoles, and all parts of your computer or laptop. Then you dedicate anywhere from two to four hours to any game of your choice, in an attempt to be MLG(Major League Gamer). Only after this is a nerd permitted to wash himself and start the rest of their day.
Senior Seth Smucker asked with a confused tone of voice, “You mean I’m not supposed to wash myself first? Dang, I’ve been doing it all wrong.”
Depending on the sect of nerd a person is in, their mid-day routines may differ. Some will spend the day hiding in the back of classrooms and cafeterias staying in the shadows and avoiding all extraneous human interaction. Others may advocate loudly and frequently about their choice of videogames and/or anime. This breed, also known as “Weaboos” will become severely agitated if you contradict them and are best left to their own Japanese-related machinations.
Sophomore Ethan Camp says, “There’s nothing wrong with the Japanese culture!” This statement was punctuated by his attempts at learning Japanese from the anime playing on his phone, emitting lewd noises.
At the end of the day, a nerd will go home and practice their chosen game for another four to six hours. A nerd must then feed himself when done, because in the process of their practice, they may have forgotten to eat. Afterwards, they complete their school work to perfection, and go back to their room and sleep in preparation for another day of being a nerd.