Pirates of the Caribbean Sequel Not Worth the Time
by Sydney Pigott
I’d hoped that during the six year break since the fourth entry of the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides the franchise would try and figure out how to get back to the original feel of the delightful first film, one of the funniest and finest adventure movies in the early 2000’s. Instead two new directors came aboard the Norwegians Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, who made the movie Thor Heyerdahl adventure Kon-Tiki in 2012.  The film went in the same direction, the wrong one.
Somewhere along the line, after the undead, rotting pirates led by the new villain the Spanish Captain Salazar, sent undead, rotting birds and undead, rotting sharks to attack their enemies, then used their entire ship as a sort of crocodile to leap out of the water and slam another ship to bits. I became suspicious that there were no rules or limits to anything the ghost sailors do except that everything must look cool. On the contrary, sophomore Riley Brown thought that the movie had “A great storyline with a lot of good special effects.”
It seems they tried to cut the average age of the cast, the series this time introduces in the 20’s new hero Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites) who is seeking to save his father Will Turner from suffering on the ghost ship the flying dutchman by finding the supernaturally trident of Poseidon, which will release all curses. He joins forces with a feisty young lady, Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), whose expertease of astronomy, makes everyone believe she is a witch.
Casting matters, and the makers of the film have badly chose these two key additions. Scodelario, who plays virtually the entire film with an angry scowl creasing her forehead, is brittle and tiresome, while Thwaites is pretty bland. Neither of them convince the audience to much care what happens to them, they more or less get swept up in the dark dangers unfolding around them. However freshman Carly Rubin admitted“The main guy had really good acting,” she added “and he’s so hot.”
After Captain Jack Sparrow tries to rob a bank in a very elaborate almost Looney Tunes scene by dragging the entire building through the streets of St. Martin behind a team of horses, he and the so-called witch Carina, escape execution at the same time in an even more wild scene. The entire guillotine where Sparrows neck is locked spins around madly on its platform like the hands of a clock, the blade falling near his neck every time he flips, then falling away again.
In my opinion the funniest scene is on Jack’s way to the execution. Jack pauses for a chat by with a fellow inmate, and for 30 seconds it feels like the audience is in an entirely different movie, much more fun and appealing.The inmate is played by Paul McCartney as Uncle Jack, wearing heavy mascara and wispy facial hair, Paul is made up like a pirate saying hilarious insults and cracking corny, not so funny jokes that of course make you giggle.
In a lengthy flashback, we learn all about Captain Jack’s feud with Captain Salazar over a magical compass, and also the rather boring story of why he is named after a bird, but the scene mainly exists as an excuse to deploy the hottest, latest new digital trick ,age erasing software that gives us a Johnny Depp in his early twenties just like when a young Tony Stark in Captain America: Civil War and a young Princess Leia in Rogue One made an appearance. In similar fashion, the climax in which a red gem causes an island to split open so that everyone falls in between canyon like walls of water is as visually amazing as it is senseless.
Junior Collin Jacobs disagrees profusely when he states he “loved the movie,” and would “definitely watch it again.” Although the reviews were very mixed, I would recommend seeing it for yourself.