Unhealthy Situations and How To Overcome Them
by Eikaiva Boyer
Your daily life is chaotic, if you’re a parent, teacher, or student. Most people’s lives are chaotic, which means that you probably aren’t making the best of choices at times or paying the closest of details to your mental health. All of these are impactful because they’re affecting the way you may treat your younger sibling, coworker, or even the attitude and persona you carry with you. These traits you need to understand the importance of in your chaotic life because you may not even realize you’re in one of the most unhealthiest situations yet.
When an individual is busy, their mind tends to go place to place without focusing or even taking a step back and asking oneself, “Wait, how does this make me feel?” Humans are under no circumstances meant to be robots, pumping out a product for hours on end. This is hard, but you must learn to take a step back and think. Think about the situation, your feelings toward the situation, what is your heart telling you that you keep dismissing with your daily hustle bustle life? This is where I learned I was in an unhealthy situation that I seriously needed to get out of.
These situations I would relate to just realizing how bad a friend was on your mental health. When you take a step back and look, I found I was crying almost every weekend for a job I once had. Especially as a high schooler with an oversized workload all of the time, you must watch out if you are placed in an unhealthy situation. Unhealthy could be as complicated as getting out of a relationship, job, or as simple as getting enough sleep during the weekdays, because as a student that’s complicated. You are to balance a notable GPA, a social life, extracurricular activities, and in some situations a job on top of all of this as a student.
“For several years, I was overwhelmed with change. Our family moved across the country, I started a new school and was on a new basketball team. It was a hard transition and even harder because I am an introvert and don’t like change. During this time I developed some anxiety that only continued to get worse and make the situation more overwhelming. I made the decision to find someone to talk to about my anxiety,” commented junior Eve Bernardoni.
“I went through a really tough break up this past year. I didn’t eat for like a week and cried for months. One day I just came to a conclusion that nothing is going to get better sitting here crying and feeling bad for myself,” stated senior Keren Ott.
“I have been in unhealthy situations twice in my life, once in a relationship and once a work situation. The work situation was easier to recognize that I needed a change due to the unhealthy work climate of unhappy people, but it took me a while to actually facilitate this change, because I was not going to quit that job until I had a new one lined up, and that took a while to make happen,” added Media Specialist Cindy Doggett.
When in any situation, you should never change yourself for anybody; if you fall into this unconsciously, you may find yourself in an unhealthy and uncomfortable situation. “As for my unhealthy relationship, I was working hard to try to make someone happy, but never successfully, no matter what I did. I thought if I were better, nicer, more loving, quieter, louder, different in some way I couldn’t seem to figure out, then that person would be happy. It wasn’t until I got out of that relationship and looked back after a year or two of distance that I realized that I was never going to make that person happy, because I was not responsible for his happiness, he was, and he was making the choice to be unhappy,” said Doggett.
“(I finally realized) nothing was wrong with me, he [was] just a dumb boy. Focusing on yourself and not relying on anyone else for happiness is the key to success,” commented Ott.
“When I was in college, I met a guy in a writing class who was seemingly super cool and interesting. (He was) really smart, [a] great writer, kind of mysterious. We started dating, and I realized he was also an alcoholic. I was nearing graduation and applying to grad school. I couldn’t and didn’t want to go to bars every night and stay out until three A.M. I tried to get him help. I told him I thought he drank too much. Eventually I stopped responding when he’d call at four in the morning drunk and telling me he needed someone to talk to. It took about eight months for the relationship to fully deteriorate, but I knew it was unhealthy pretty early on,” said mother Tia Morris-Gore.
So if you find yourself in an unhealthy, and maybe uncomfortable situation, try some of this advice:
“You have to take stock on your own feelings about a situation, and believe in them. Your feelings are valid, no matter how much you are trying to make something work, whether it is a relationship, a job, etc., so listen to yourself. Once you recognize that you are in an unhealthy situation, try to communicate with whomever is causing the problem, and keep trying. It also helps to find a trusted friend to talk things over with, someone outside of the situation, which helps you get a different perspective,” said Doggett.
“My advice would be to ask yourself a lot of questions if you’re in an uncomfortable situation. If you’re questioning it, there’s likely a good reason. Get to know yourself so that you know what you want out of life, for your future, etc., and make sure all your relationships are encouraging and supporting your overall objectives for life. If you’re in a relationship that makes you a worse person, it’s probably time to remove yourself,” stated Morris-Gore.
Or, you could try what Bernardoni did and see a therapist, “After spending time speaking to a therapist on a regular basis, I was able to use the skills I learned to reduce my anxiety and feel better. It has made a big difference and I would recommend it to anyone experiencing the same. It is just nice to know that when you are in situations that seem too much, there are steps you can take to feel better.”
‘My advice for someone else in an unhealthy situation would be to stay strong. Don’t let other people’s opinions and saying get to you,” said Ott.
“But if you realize that the situation is not going away, you make the change. Change is good, and it is a positive step forward to making things better in your life. And you deserve the best,” commented Doggett.